Letters from Marilyn J. Underwood (written in 1973 when she was about 40 years old “In regards to all the abortions I couldn’t do.”)

{Originally written to be submitted to the Bellingham Herald, but were never sent}

{We were privileged to have her share them with us on Jan 31, 2019}


“I Want to Live”

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

            Living quarters are very limited in here, but I feel so warm and protected. It’s really sort of scary not knowing what kind of life I’ll have, but I know one thing mommy, I want to live.

            Daddy, I know that you don’t want me. Is it because you are scared too? I know it would mean a lot of sacrifice and responsibility but don’t you want me just at little? Don’t you wonder what I’d be or what I’d look like?

            I know you and mommy love each other and I think that she loves me daddy, because when we are all alone waiting for you to come home from work I hear mommy cry, but she says, ‘I’m sorry, baby, but I can’t have you and daddy too.’

            Please, mommy and daddy, please, say I can stay. I never meant to get in your way, but I’m too young to die. Really, could you kill me before I even live? Someday you’d both be so proud of me. You’d see. I’d be a lot of work and maybe keep you up a lot, but that only lasts a little while, and if you stop and think about it your mama didn’t really mind and see how proud she is of you.

            Please, mommy and daddy, please. I don’t want to die. I know I’d go to live with God, but I don’t want to go until I know you.

Please, let me live.

Love you,

Your baby


“It’s Too Late”

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

            You know it’s very nice up here in heaven with a Father who truly cares for me, but how I wish that you had really wanted me.

            I know now that you created me out of lust, not love, so you couldn’t keep me. It’s alright, because really I understand how much I’d have been in your way daddy, but I still think that mommy wanted me. She’s a wonderful girl, but daddy, don’t you see how wrong it was. What you made her do to me?

            How will you feel the rest of your life, knowing you let your own flesh and blood die because you weren’t grown up enough to be responsible for me?

Please, don’t let me happen again until you are ready for responsibility. Sometimes when this happens something goes wrong and mommy can’t have any babies and think of how you’d feel then. It’s too late for me, mommy and daddy, because you didn’t hear me cry, ‘Please, I don’t want to die.’, because I’m gone. But rest assured, I love you mom and dad and I’ll be fine because I was too young to know selfishness or sin so Jesus let me in. I love you and wish you had let me show youso.